Don’t Be Sorry

I have many people say things to me like “I don’t know how you do it” or when they get ready to tell me a story about something stressful going on in their own lives they may preface it by saying “I know this is nothing compared to what you have gone through.” These well intentioned statements are always perplexing to me. So because my brother passed away almost eight years ago you are not allowed to feel sad that your car broke down? Or that your dog is sick? I want to say “I hope you never break a nail and want sympathy from me because that is nothing compared to being on bed rest for several months” and then wait for their reaction. Although, in fairness, breaking a nail after a fresh mani/pedi feels nothing short of devastating at the time.

I strongly believe that pain and sadness are relative and that everything happens for a reason. I am fully aware that many people are rolling their eyes right now. It does not mean that I think that everything bad that happens is easy or fair. It sucks. It can feel crushing and it can be hard to move on. What I have found, though, is that working on the practice of gratitude more than anything else has gotten me through some of the hardest times (and continues to do so). It is something that I will be working on for the rest of my life. I am only human. I wish that I could just be thankful that I have internet instead of wanting to burn down Comcast corporate anytime I have to deal with them. Baby steps.

I really sucked at being grateful for a long time. I didn’t know I sucked at it. I thought I was pretty fabulous. Sometimes it takes some hard blows to get things put into perspective. What felt like the first big blow to me was getting divorced at a young age. I don’t know how many times I have thought to myself that I simply cannot imagine where my life would be if I had not made that difficult decision. It was a hard and confusing time for me. I was on the hot mess express and thankfully I hopped off. I would not have given myself the chance to meet the most amazing man or have the most amazing children. I appreciated a good relationship after a few clunkers. The second and most life changing blow was of course the sudden death of my brother during Operation Iraqi Freedom. It has taken me a long time to deal with this one but gaining some gratitude has empowered me. I feel thankful that my brother died for a noble cause. I feel thankful that it brought me closer to many people. It also helped me weed some people out. I will wrap the third up into the one word of motherhood. Most people know of the hardships we have faced with our little ones. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, will give you some perspective faster than spending time in a children’s hospital. This could (and likely will) be a whole blog post on its own but you leave a changed person. Children are so hopeful and strong. They don’t know to worry about themselves too much. They just have faith. Because they just have faith they allow themselves to enjoy life. What a wonderful thing, huh?

I don’t say all these things because I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I say them because I wish someone had hit me over the head a long time ago and told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. To take the high road and to mend some relationships and let some burn. Life truly is too short and wonderful to waste. Gratitude can be a challenging thing to hold onto during the darkest days. Sometimes even harder on the days that are more gray than dark. The gray days are the sneaky little bastards that will get you. Throw a major issue at me and I can handle it like a champ but give me five days in a row of kids puking, whining, not getting any time to myself, bad hair and eating like poo and I will feel like getting into the fetal position with a wine bottle in the closet. Its funny how that works.

I felt compelled to write this today because I caught myself being a grump. I was being a grump for no good reason. I think that sometimes being in a bad mood is healthy and normal. Sometimes it is obnoxious. When I start annoying myself I know it is time to start going down my mental list of people and things I am grateful to have in my life. I am a walking testament to the fact that the universe gives back to you what you put out there. The more open and happy I allow myself to be the more doors that open for me to walk through thus empowering myself and others. Conversely when I am grumpy, selfish, or negative those doors start to close. Now I feel like I should go out and save a manatee or something.  I feel good!  Carpe diem!