For any of you that have two (or more) children, I’m sure you can relate. You can relate to that feeling of constantly worrying that one child is getting more attention than the other. Or that people are taking a liking to one of your littles more than the other. Our sweet little Eli steals the hearts of everyone he meets. His joy, bravery, and kindness are infectious. His story is unusual and interesting. But what about the other one?
Our baby Abraham let us know early on that he would not be playing second fiddle to Eli. When I found out I was pregnant again I had mixed emotions. Eli was only 5 months old. We were exhausted. We knew we wanted a second baby but I became panicked. I had such a hard pregnancy with Eli and we had an even more difficult go of it after he was born. I could NOT deal with that again. But I have to now. Shit. And then the guilt. How can I feel so unhappy about such a precious little being?
I had horrible morning sickness with Abe. Much worse than I ever had with Eli. I was nervous the entire time that something was going to go wrong or that something was going to be wrong with him after being born. This is normal for any pregnant gal I think but it rang so true to me since we had been through it all with Eli so recently. The dust hadn’t even settled. The dust was everywhere. Because I hadn’t cleaned in forever. Because I was still a brand new Mommy and could barely function.
Finally the long awaited anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks. We were so nervous… Great news! He looks perfect! I wanted to be excited, and I was, but I still had a feeling something was going to go wrong. I was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me. Just about one week later out it came. I had a placental abruption and was immediately put on bedrest at 21 weeks.
If I had any shred of uncertainty about having a second baby, it flew out the window when I knew there was a real possibility we would lose him. Only a week prior I had fallen in love with his little profile from his ultrasound. We named him. We started dreaming of the fun things brothers could do together. I felt comfort in knowing that Eli would have a brother who had his back for the hard times he will go through.
I healed up and went on to have a beautiful and healthy baby boy. I will never forget Brian looking at me and saying “Both of his eyes are open.” I burst into tears. Only my partner in life and in love would know the perfect thing to say to me. He knew one of my biggest fears was that we would deal with the same issues with Abe that we were still battling with Eli.
So as I work on plans to more actively write and post to my blog, I thought it was important to shine a light on the other one. The sweetest, happiest, most loving baby any parent could ask for. He completes our family (yes I said completes and no we’re not trying for a girl *eyeroll*) and I genuinely cannot imagine life without him. He is so different than Eli but also has many of the same traits. My heart melts every time I see him trying to get to his big brother and again when his big brother affectionately says “bahhhh” (what Eli calls Abe). I laugh when I see Eli get annoyed with Abe and pull away because I know its only the beginning.
I, of course, know that Eli will be a great big brother. But I also know that Abe will be a great little brother. I want him to always know that even when we have to spend more time with Eli for reasons out of our control, we still love him. I want him to know that sometimes he will be have to be strong for his brother and that it is his role. We all serve a purpose in our family and we all love hard. I always want him to know that he is more than Eli’s brother. He is the final piece to our puzzle. The smiley, smart, and tough corner piece we needed.
Being Swack 